i'm sorry, but Google+ just had to annoy me.

i'll no longer update this. for real this time.

find me here.

nine

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Day 9. 29 Dec 2013.

eVERything reMINDS ME oF YoU, and I wANt to EScaPE it AlL.


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eight

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Day 8. 28 Dec 2013.

At one point, it was all flowers. They are meticulously arranged, with great care, so each petal and stem and thorn is perfectly seen and perfectly appreciated. In another, it was all flowing lines, like lifestream. It follows no path but it flows freely, like what one’s soul should be in its path to achievement of “greater things.” In here, though, there’s nothing but chaos and discourse—why should it be perfect? Anything I put in there, just to fill the space. Just to perfect the art of preoccupation.


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the bell jar

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"But I wasn't sure. I wasn't sure at all. How did I know that someday--at college, in Europe, somewhere, anywhere--the bell jar, with its stifling distortions, wouldn't descend again?"

- Esther Greenwood (The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath)

 

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seven

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Day 7. 27 Dec 2013.

Sometimes it rains. Sometimes, hope, like a beautiful scene, breaks. Sometimes it turns upside down, but I like it. They’re all in boxes, and they form my life.

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magic

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"Magic is the bloodstream of the universe. Forget all you know, or think you know. All that you require is your intuition."

- Willow, 1988

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green

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Day 6. 26 Dec 2013.

It is surprising how easy it would have been. To let go. You already saw blood, you were yearning for carnage. It was a fury like no other. And yet you held it in with a smile so tame, no one actually knew that what is actually blooming inside you is madness.


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marilyn

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"Here’s what I remember most: her embrace. Her belief in me. And the joy she gave. That was her gift. When I think of her now, I think of that time when a dream came true. And my only talent was not to close my eyes."

- Colin Clark (My Week With Marilyn, 2011)

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holiday cheer

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Day 5. 25 Dec 2013.

Merry Christmas!


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infinite

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"The bluest sky is infinitely high and crystal clear. That is what the world should be--a world of infinite possibilities, laid before us, crystal clear."

- Gentatsu, Rurouni Kenshin the Movie 

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blue

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Day 4. 24 Dec 2013.

Swimming in an ocean of tumulous thoughts, I think of nothing but them. If I could wish for one thing, just for this moment, I wish for an asphyxiation of the brain. Then I would no longer think. Then I would no longer feel and I would no longer care about things I could not—and will never be able to—control.

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believe

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"In a musical, nothing dreadful ever happens."

(Selma Ježková, Dancer in the Dark, 2000)

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violet

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Day 3. 23 Dec 2013.

I feel it burst inside me, like a reckoning. I know it is hard to contain, like an undefinable hunger or thirst for something that has not existed yet.


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unclouded

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Lady Eboshi: What exactly are you here for?

Prince Ashitaka: To see with eyes unclouded by hate.


(Princess Mononoke, 1997)

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orange

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Day 2. 22 Dec 2013. 

As it spilled itself, I was left hanging on a precipice of uncertainty.

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wandering star

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"Does the sun not shine for us all? That question runs endlessly through my mind day in and day out. The man who asked it over a year ago now is dead."

- Wandering Star (J.M.G. L Clézio)

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red

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Day 1. 21 Dec 2013.

I search for eons, I search for stars, and all I see is a big expanse of nothingness.

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hands

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These hands are not your model's hands. They were never soaked with milk, pampered with soothing oils and creams, and trimmed and cleaned like a rich woman's hands should deserve.

These hands are not rich. They never signed a check worth millions, inspected clothes worth more than a normal man's monthly wage, dined with the elite, and brushed with other hands that could change the world in a snap.

But these hands---dirty, bruised, and calloused---knew hardship and pain. And these hands will carry your load, soothe your ache, tousle your hair, encase you with warmth, and try to give you hope and love.

Because time taught these hands a lesson, and they learned that lesson well---soon, everything will be alright. We will all get out of this. It will work itself out.

Until then, these hands will continue to hold yours and will not let go. And together, we will make it. Together.

I hope these hands will be more than enough, for this is all I can offer you.

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Bohol Relief

As of October 31, PBSP raised more than PHP2 million, which allowed us to reach 3,357 households in 5 towns and 19 barangays of Bohol. Daghang salamat sa tanan! :-)

null

It's finally over, and instead of celebrating that she actually made it, all she can do is sigh in relief.

Four months. It really is over. It's finally over.

The torment is over.

Deep in her heart, however, all she feels is remorse. She wonders if other people could actually feel what she feels at the moment. If they could understand why she's griping over it so much.

Eloquence goes out the window as different words come to her at once: value for money, justice for effort, intellectual capabilities, but what really retains is this: quality, quality, quality.

She was expecting so much quality, maybe a little too much of it, only to be sorely disappointed in the end. She was supposed to be excited, considering it's her first venture. But no. All she feels still is remorse.

So she asks herself if she has even learned a thing she didn't already know after four months. No. Nothing.

Wasn't this all--all those days and hours spent--meant for self-development? So she could be a better person and give back in return?

Sadly, it never happened. And that's what broke her heart so much. Such wasted months--and pesos--they were. Each penny saved for nothing.

Do you understand now?